WHAT I GOT DONE WHILE GETTING NOTHING DONE TODAY

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Dear Self,

 

Today was one of those days. One of those days that you look at the clock and wonder what you got done today. Its 4:00 and you wonder where the day went. Wonder wasn’t there just 2 minutes in your day that you could’ve changed out of a sweatshirt and leggings? Wasn’t there a moment you could’ve done your hair, unloaded the dishwasher, swept just one floor in the house? Wasn’t there an apple you could’ve eaten instead of the last of your Christmas chocolate you’ve been rationing out? Wasn’t there some point in your day where your baby was napping that you could’ve cleaned the bathroom, written a thank you card, or done something else on your ever-growing to do list?

Truthfully there probably was a moment, several moments you could’ve made to do those things. Sure it was a rougher day, more crying and fussiness than usual, more baby barf than usual, but you could’ve listened to cries from the bathroom while you cleaned the toilet and washed the mirror. You could’ve gotten anything done you wanted. You could have let him cry while you did your hair, and unloaded the dishwasher.

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But, having a house with clean bathrooms and empty dishwashers was never part of your dream. Your dream has always been and always will be this. This is what you have dreamed of since you were a girl playing with dolls. This is what you would lay in bed feeling him kick and dream about. This is what you counted down the weeks for. This is what your husband works long hours providing for. It never was about clean bathrooms, straightened hair, clean floors, or empty dishwashers.  Sure you would like to wear something not covered in baby barf. Sure you would like a clean house. There is always time for that.

Being a mom was never about getting things done. You don’t dream about being a mom to have pretty hair, or clean houses. You don’t dream about having a baby so that you can spend more time eating healthy or getting ready in the morning. No, this, this is your dream. You don’t spend every day at home to get the things you want to done.

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You became a mom to be there to this.

 You became a mom to have days like today. Days like today where you have been thrown up on more times than you can count. Days where the only thing you did ‘for you’ was having a shower 5 hours after you woke up. Days where the crying doesn’t stop, where the diapers never end, where you sleep more sitting up feeding that sweet baby than laying in your own bed. Days where getting laundry done actually means adding more unfolded clothes to the pile of unfolded clean clothes from 3 days before. Days where anything is eligible to count for lunch as long as you can eat it one handed and swaying around the kitchen.

This is the dream, your dream, because in getting nothing done today, you actually got a lot done.

 I’m writing you this letter to remind you that even though no one is going to tell you that what you do is important, it is important. That what you wearing, although not an ideal wardrobe, is an ok occasional outfit. I’m writing to remind you that your baby is going to be older tomorrow than he was today and that being “stuck” on the couch holding a sensitive sleeping baby was probably the best two hours you could’ve spent today.  I’m writing this to remind you that tomorrow he is going to look different than today so those few minutes more you held him during the night studying his face were moments well spent. I’m writing this to remind you that singing with him and reading to him this morning was more important than straightening your hair, that playing this afternoon was more important than the clean bathroom.

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These days will come and go. Not every day will be filled with the fussiness, crying, holding, puking, and refusing to eat anything but his thumb. The dishwasher isn’t going to care when he smiles waking up in your arms.  Your clean bathroom won’t care that your baby watched it snow for the first time today. I’m writing this to remind you that one day you will have two hands to eat your lunch and can eat whatever you want, but you will miss the days of swinging around the kitchen trying to get a spoon to your mouth. I’m writing this because today, today your baby feels loved, he is fed. You played together, cried together, and laughed together. You prayed, you read scriptures together, cuddled, and sang. You held him extra long and a little closer.

I’m writing this because tomorrow he will be bigger, older, he will probably nap a little longer and you can do your hair then. Tomorrow will come and you can clean your bathroom and fold your laundry. But, today, you got a lot done today. So as rough and unaccomplished as you feel today, it was a really a blessing, a sweet mercy. Today set you back on course as to what is important. It allowed you to hold him a little longer, enjoy those baby toes and sweet smiles uninterrupted. You hugged him a little longer, played a little more, and looked into those pure sweet eye. Yes, today was a blessing. Go look in the mirror and remind yourself that this is why you became a mom; that you did get everything done today. Everything that mattered. The rest? It can wait for tomorrow.

Larisa

 

 

Larisa

Here’s a little about me: I usually don’t buy things that I could make. I like to read and learn. I have dreams of being a mom, living in foreign countries, and trying new things. I take a ton of pictures. I collect rocks from the places I’ve been. I’m trying to learn French. I like to eat. I’m a Mormon.

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